Some like it hot…
You may know lots of people who seem to like to hang out here, their lives compromised by the destructive nature of their chaotic emotions. But. Not you. Thats why you're here.
Emotions motivate us to act, urge us to behave in the way that they dictate. When you are in the red zone, any actions prompted by your emotions will be counterproductive. Picture the guy from Legal, who is normally a suave professional, kicking the copy machine repeatedly to get it to work- a practice which, by the way, is one the greatest mysteries of the world…Or a teenager throwing her prized iPhone at the wall in a fit of rage. Or possibly you, yelling at your husband and kids like a maniac…?
Let’s get out of the heat.
The first step to calming down is recognizing that you are not calm. (insert lightbulb emoji here)
Say you're hurt, because your husband was hyper critical, and all you can do is fixate on his comments, because really now, he has no right to be criticizing YOU about being late when HE considers all required times to be cute suggestions. If you remain focused on the trigger, consumed by thoughts of and about all the wedding dances you missed and dentists appointments that had to be rescheduled and COME ON, all the PTA meetings you had to attend as a single mom due to his tardiness, guess if it will be possible for you to calm down? You wont, now how did you ever guess?! You will be continuously exploding. You must distract yourself and calm down using a method that works for you.
It really is that simple.
You just need to do something, anything at all, to get your mind off the incident/trigger.
Find a technique that will be effective to distract you; my favorites include music, deep breathing, taking a walk, running up and down the stairs or drinking a hot beverage. For you it may be watching reruns of your favorite show. You get the idea.
After engaging in a calming activity, measure your internal temperature again. Inspect your feelings, and if you're still in the red zone, choose another calming activity. Sometimes you're so red, you'll need to keep going, like the energizer bunny.
The issue is that you gain so much by being in the red zone. It feels goooood. You let off steam or you get to punish the one who angered you. The red zone is so alluring in your moments of heat. Think carefully before you answer you answer this question. its a toughie. Imagine You’re angry, so angry-would you want to smash the guys face…or do you prefer to color a unicorn on a bed of rainbows?
What we need to realize is that short term satisfaction is not worth it when we weigh it against long term gain. Whenever we follow the suggestions of our strong emotions, we’re doomed before we even start. Aside from being destructive,these actions will seldom lead us towards our goals.
Those five minutes of unbridled rage, when you feel on top and you feel so satisfied, can set you back months or even years in a relationship.Think of a time you allowed the red zone to take over and the ramifications you suffered. Was it worth it? It almost never is.
Its important to make sure you understand that although it’s immensely gratifying to allow yourself to be red, you are harming yourself and your relationships. Make sure you work on this realization when you're calm, though. It will be far more effective that way. ;)
What makes you red and what calming skills appeal to you?
Share below so others can benefit from your insight!